Toni Stark (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
iam_ironwoman) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
justindulgeme2012-07-18 11:32 pm
iam_ironwoman) wrote in justindulgeme2012-07-18 11:32 pm
Entry tags:
Classic Malibu Pastimes - Safety Second Inventing Practices
A change of scenery.
That had been the excuse she'd offered, a reasoning for a trip south that Steve had happily accepted when she'd asked him to come along. Somewhere in the back of her mind Toni knew the trip was one of pure avoidance, a way around dealing with everything that had been bubbling up since this whole 'thing' had started with Steve.
She hesitated from calling it a 'relationship' or referring to him as a 'boyfriend'. They weren't words she was used to using to describe the men she spent her time with.
Their tentative new connection had been good for a week or so, when Toni had just been coasting on that rush of new attraction and trying to put the gathering knot in her belly out of mind. It hadn't taken that long to sink in though, all the issues present that she hadn't considered...
Discounting his frozen years, she was eighteen years older than Steve, as Pepper pointed out when Toni finally spoke to her on the topic; a figure that made her choke on her coffee and left her feeling like a wanna-be pedophile.
Then there was the fact that Toni hadn't dated the same person for more than seven or eight months at a stretch since college and being faced with the prospect of a partner who may well want to stick with her for longer than that, given that Steve's thoughts on relationships seemed to be as old fashioned as his thoughts on many other things.... well to be honest it made her chest knot up and her breath come short to think about it too hard, so she tried not to.
Toni threw herself headlong into solving 'more important things'; burying her nose in even her most neglected and back-burner-relegated lab projects, trying to distract herself from the building media attention in New York, from Fury's irritation, from Pepper's worried questions, from her own reeling anxiousness...
It worked for a while, but restlessness took root easily and once decided on the trip she'd been glad for the busywork of packing a bag, of travelling, of showing Steve around the Malibu house and it's property. They took a drive around the city, went to the beach, and despite it all, by the third day they were in Malibu, she was back to working feverishly to distract herself, up before even Steve's early rising hours making a holy mess of the garage.
Slamming into the ceiling right underneath the guest room like that had PROBABLY woken him up... Better adjust the repulsiors some more. And sweep up all the plaster she'd knocked out of the ceiling.
That had been the excuse she'd offered, a reasoning for a trip south that Steve had happily accepted when she'd asked him to come along. Somewhere in the back of her mind Toni knew the trip was one of pure avoidance, a way around dealing with everything that had been bubbling up since this whole 'thing' had started with Steve.
She hesitated from calling it a 'relationship' or referring to him as a 'boyfriend'. They weren't words she was used to using to describe the men she spent her time with.
Their tentative new connection had been good for a week or so, when Toni had just been coasting on that rush of new attraction and trying to put the gathering knot in her belly out of mind. It hadn't taken that long to sink in though, all the issues present that she hadn't considered...
Discounting his frozen years, she was eighteen years older than Steve, as Pepper pointed out when Toni finally spoke to her on the topic; a figure that made her choke on her coffee and left her feeling like a wanna-be pedophile.
Then there was the fact that Toni hadn't dated the same person for more than seven or eight months at a stretch since college and being faced with the prospect of a partner who may well want to stick with her for longer than that, given that Steve's thoughts on relationships seemed to be as old fashioned as his thoughts on many other things.... well to be honest it made her chest knot up and her breath come short to think about it too hard, so she tried not to.
Toni threw herself headlong into solving 'more important things'; burying her nose in even her most neglected and back-burner-relegated lab projects, trying to distract herself from the building media attention in New York, from Fury's irritation, from Pepper's worried questions, from her own reeling anxiousness...
It worked for a while, but restlessness took root easily and once decided on the trip she'd been glad for the busywork of packing a bag, of travelling, of showing Steve around the Malibu house and it's property. They took a drive around the city, went to the beach, and despite it all, by the third day they were in Malibu, she was back to working feverishly to distract herself, up before even Steve's early rising hours making a holy mess of the garage.
Slamming into the ceiling right underneath the guest room like that had PROBABLY woken him up... Better adjust the repulsiors some more. And sweep up all the plaster she'd knocked out of the ceiling.
no subject
"So, you're afraid of me? Or, intimidated by-- by the thought of me?" That wasn't what he wanted at all. If she was trying to distract herself from him, then shouldn't they end it? Wouldn't that make the most sense? Steve had no idea. And, he really didn't want to end things.
"I--" he shut his mouth, taking a breath. "I like you, Toni. Just you. Not-- not whoever you think you are, but who you actually are. I don't want you to change yourself, I just want you to take care of yourself, because I can't always be here to do it. And I want you around."
no subject
"Haven't you ever just felt surprised at yourself? Like something happened that made you feel angry or scared and you were shocked at just HOW upset you were?"
"It's like that, but I'm happy; I'm surprised at how happy I am and I'm afraid of doing something to ruin it. I have this irrational anxious fear that I'm going to say something or do something to change how you feel about me.
Not that I'm going to change, but that you're going to get to know me better and decide I'm really not the kind of person you want to be with once you know more about me."
She sighed a little, reaching across the table to grasp his hand in hers.
"There's not a lot of people in my life who like me for who I 'actually am'."
Her small hand squeezed more firmly around his fingers.
no subject
no subject
She pressed her hand into his, tightening the link of their fingers.
"Suppose I'm assuming a lot though, thinking you'll just change your mind on a whim. You usually give things more thought than that."
no subject
"It'd be nice if you could trust me."