Classic Malibu Pastimes - Safety Second Inventing Practices

[iam_ironwoman]

A change of scenery.

That had been the excuse she'd offered, a reasoning for a trip south that Steve had happily accepted when she'd asked him to come along. Somewhere in the back of her mind Toni knew the trip was one of pure avoidance, a way around dealing with everything that had been bubbling up since this whole 'thing' had started with Steve.

She hesitated from calling it a 'relationship' or referring to him as a 'boyfriend'. They weren't words she was used to using to describe the men she spent her time with.

Their tentative new connection had been good for a week or so, when Toni had just been coasting on that rush of new attraction and trying to put the gathering knot in her belly out of mind. It hadn't taken that long to sink in though, all the issues present that she hadn't considered...

Discounting his frozen years, she was eighteen years older than Steve, as Pepper pointed out when Toni finally spoke to her on the topic; a figure that made her choke on her coffee and left her feeling like a wanna-be pedophile.

Then there was the fact that Toni hadn't dated the same person for more than seven or eight months at a stretch since college and being faced with the prospect of a partner who may well want to stick with her for longer than that, given that Steve's thoughts on relationships seemed to be as old fashioned as his thoughts on many other things.... well to be honest it made her chest knot up and her breath come short to think about it too hard, so she tried not to.

Toni threw herself headlong into solving 'more important things'; burying her nose in even her most neglected and back-burner-relegated lab projects, trying to distract herself from the building media attention in New York, from Fury's irritation, from Pepper's worried questions, from her own reeling anxiousness...

It worked for a while, but restlessness took root easily and once decided on the trip she'd been glad for the busywork of packing a bag, of travelling, of showing Steve around the Malibu house and it's property. They took a drive around the city, went to the beach, and despite it all, by the third day they were in Malibu, she was back to working feverishly to distract herself, up before even Steve's early rising hours making a holy mess of the garage.

Slamming into the ceiling right underneath the guest room like that had PROBABLY woken him up... Better adjust the repulsiors some more. And sweep up all the plaster she'd knocked out of the ceiling.

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[themanoutoftime]

Steve wasn't really sure what was going on with Toni. He knew he liked her, and he knew she liked him and he knew that for about a week after they got together, she'd been happy. They'd both been happy! But then Toni got strange and tense whenever he tried to hold her hand in public or put an arm around her or something. It wasn't-- he knew things were different, now, and he didn't expect to marry her or anything, but he did expect to at least be able to acknowledge his feelings in public.

And then, Toni started working really hard, too hard in his opinion, and he worried about her. All the time. So when she asked if he wanted to go to Malibu, of course he said yes.

He liked the place well enough, and Malibu was nice, if not too sunny. But after the third day, Toni went back to working too hard, and Steve went back to worrying. When he heard the crash that came from the workshop, he sa t up in his bed, disoriented for a moment before rushing down the stairs (in his pjs) to see if she was all right.

"Toni, are you ok?"

[iam_ironwoman]

"I'm good! Meant to do that! Just a slight... steering miscalculation."

That wheezing response came from the floor where Toni was sprawled on her back, still catching her breath.

Cuts and bruises dotted her arms and shoulders, the little marks just visible beneath the skeleton rigging of the Mark VI Iron Maiden. Still in the planning stages the suit was minus any external plating, just a bare-bones assembly to hold wiring and the major hydraulics in place and it hadn't protected her too much from the impact as such...

She shook off a heavy layer of dust as she eased up from the floor, and started to disconnect the arm and shoulder rig. There was plaster in her hair and a bloodied friction burn on one side of her forehead that she seemed quite unaware of for the moment.

"Sorry, woke you up didn't I? I'll keep it down, really. Go back to bed if you want. I'm fine."

[themanoutoftime]

The only thing Steve could do was stare at her. He was, by nature and reputation, a man of action. A man who saw a disaster and ran toward it while everyone else ran away. He was a fighter, a soldier, a captain. It was his job to be those things, but when he saw Toni lying on the ground like that, he froze. He couldn't do anything. It was almost embarrassing.

"Miscalculation?" He asked, eyes widening in shock when she got up and he saw the extent of her injuries. He felt a little faint. What had she been doing to herself? Why hadn't he noticed?

"Toni," his voice was hard, and he sure his face was too. "You need to stop."

[iam_ironwoman]

That tone brought her attention around to him and the blinked owlishly through her mussed bangs at the fierce no-nonsense expression she was getting from him.

"...but I'm in the middle of something." She protested, as she set the upper rigging on it's stand, confusion knitting her brow and sending a thin ribbon of blood rolling down the side of her face from her hairline. "It's okay. I've hit the ceiling before, really. It's not a big thing."

[themanoutoftime]

"You're bleeding," he said, walking toward her to tilt her head gingerly to the side to examine the damage. It needed to be cleaned, and Steve frowned.

"You need to clean this. You need to clean all your scratches. Come into the bathroom with me."

[iam_ironwoman]

Being ordered around wasn't usually something Toni took kindly to, but Steve ordered her around with such concern it was hard to muster an argument.

That and - "I'm what?"

She reached up to touch the side of her face, hissing when her fingers came away red.

"Oh... okay yeah I suppose I should bandage that before I bleed on any delicate circuitry."

She unlatched and stepped out of each of the repulsor boots first before letting him guide her toward the stairs.

Okay, she supposed being bloodied warranted a coffee break.

"Don't look so worried, they're just scrapes, I've had so much worse."

[themanoutoftime]

That didn't exactly make him feel any better. "You have got to take better care of yourself," he told her, steering her into the bathroom. Once there, he got a towel and wet it, applying it to her head.

[iam_ironwoman]

She sucked a sharp breath over her teeth as he dabbed at her wounds, sinking to sit on the edge of the bathtub and let him fuss over her. He didn't give the impression that he was about to be deterred.

"Self-care and I are old enemies, Steve." She told him as he mopped up the blood in her bangs. "I seem to do better work when I put myself second."

Her hand came up to wrap around his wrist, squeezing reassuringly. The way his jaw set and shoulders tensed up worried her some.

"Hey come on, relax. This isn't even as bad as the thing with the baseball. Don't look so worried."

[themanoutoftime]

He sighed and took the washcloth away to rinse it out, trying not to feel sick at the way the water turned pink. Steve turned back to her, cupping her jaw, running his thumb over her cheekbone briefly before cleaning the wound again.

"You weren't bleeding with the baseball."

[iam_ironwoman]

"It's just a bit of blood, I'll live."

She let her head tilt into his touch, wrapping her hand over his and pressing his palm to her cheek.

"Really, I'm sorry about waking you. I'll get some breakfast and make sure I'm not concussed before I go back down."

[themanoutoftime]

His face softened a bit, but not much. She'd been acting so strangely, and this behavior wasn't exactly helping. He knew she did this often, but still. It was worrying him.

"I'd like it if you didn't go back down."

[iam_ironwoman]

"What?"

The idea of not finishing what she'd started in on filled Toni with an irrational nervous itch near instantly and her voice betrayed the panic that set in, but she cleared her throat, trying to mask her nervous irritation.

"I.. well I should go back down and clean things up at least but I guess we're supposed to be on vacation or something right. Was there something you wanted to do today?"

[themanoutoftime]

That was the wrong thing to say. Steve knew it the second it came out of his mouth, but he couldn't really take it back. He lets go of her and backs away from her touch. Maybe this whole thing was a stupid idea.

"No, nevermind. Forget it. You go uh, finish your suit. I'll just-- draw or something."

[iam_ironwoman]

She cringed at his withdrawal, reaching up to run a hand through her hair. Goddammit, now she'd gone and made him feel like she didn't want to spend time with him (and how telling it was that she even cared about having hurt his feelings)...

"No, don't do that, please. I invited you down here to relax with me and now I'm working in the garage and... I'm not avoiding you, I swear I'm not, I've just got a lot on my mind is all."

"I can leave the experiments for a day, I can, you just kind of caught me off guard and I get a bit OCD about the lab."

[themanoutoftime]

"No, it's fine, I promise. We don't have to do anything today if you want to work," Steve insisted, putting his hands up in a placating gesture. "If it helps you relax, it's fine. I just don't want you to get hurt."

[iam_ironwoman]

She sighed, rubbing at her forehead. Goddammit, this wasn't how she'd meant for this to go...

"It's not really relaxing, just... distracting." she admitted, rising from the edge of the tub and holding out a hand. "Come on. Why don't we get some breakfast together at least?"

[themanoutoftime]

Steve frowned, wondering what she needed to be distracted from. The only other person here was him, and he hadn't been doing anything particularly annoying, right?

"Oh." He took her hand anyway, pulling her up. "Sure."

[iam_ironwoman]

She led the way to the kitchen, starting the coffee machine first before digging into the fridge for all the necessary ingredients for her usual breakfast shake. Steve had made a horrible face the first time she'd offered him wheatgrass juice, but strawberry banana shakes had gone over pretty well.

Leaning on the counter, peeling two bananas, Toni chewed the inside of her cheek. She'd hoped working had been a neutral way to deal with her anxieties but apparently that wasn't the case if her burying herself in projects was putting Steve on edge. And ... well every once in a while she learned from her mistakes. Pepper's tongue lashing after she'd hidden her impending death from all and sundry a year ago had had at least a little impact.

"...can we talk for a minute, while I'm doing this?" she asked, letting out a slow breath. "By that I mean, can I talk and you listen and promise not to freak out too much until I'm done?"

[themanoutoftime]

It wasn't so much the burying herself in her projects. It was the fact that 'burying yourself' seemed to mean something different to Toni than it did to him. Too many times had Steve found her in a dead sleep in her workshop and thought she was just dead. He wasn't sure he could handle it.

"Sure. About what?"

[iam_ironwoman]

"About this... this whole thing with us." 'Relationship' felt too serious a word to put to it. She picked up a paring knife and started making quick work of the strawberries, focusing on her task to avoid his eyes.

"I feel like I haven't known what to do with myself since we first kissed." she sighed. "Don't take that to mean that I regret it, because I don't, or that I want us to stop with the kissing because no, no really don't want that. It's just... this is strange for me."

"I haven't had the same partner for longer than a few months since I was in my twenties. I'm used to a love life full of short encounters with people I want to sleep with but probably don't want to hang out with otherwise. It's served me well and now it's just what I'm used to."

"And then there's this thing with you, which is basically the opposite of all that."

[themanoutoftime]

Steve's brow furrowed as she spoke, and he grew more and more confused. Where was this coming from? Why would she kiss him in the first place if she was just going to tell him later that she didn't like him? That seemed cruel.

There was a slight pause when she was done, and he cleared his throat.

"Am I allowed to speak now?"

[iam_ironwoman]

"Just, one second okay?"

That confused almost mad expression that had knit across his face made her uneasy. She wasn't saying this right, obviously. Putting the fruit down she picked up a towel to wipe her hands and came across to the table, sinking into the opposite chair.

"I'm just trying to say that... I like you. And I know that seems like something we've established already but, ugh, how do I put this?

"You're... not my usual type. I mean, it's not like I have a very narrow type and in terms of being handsome and male you fit the bill, but I'm used to having a sort of neutral 'well you're okay' feeling about the people I take home with me. Those people don't make my knees feel like jelly every time they smile at me."

She rubbed at the back of her neck, blushing. Christ she'd really said that out loud...

"You are nothing like anybody I've dated in a long long time, and I think I like you more than anybody I've dated ever, and that's just sort of ... intimidating."

"What I mean is that I haven't felt SERIOUS about someone in an age and I don't think I'm doing it right. So I get anxious about fucking up something good, and then I try to distract myself and use work to sort out my thoughts. Hasn't been the most helpful this time though."

She let out a slow breath, then waved her hand toward him.

"Okay, that's all I've got. Go ahead."

[themanoutoftime]

Steve really wasn't sure what she was saying.

"So, you're afraid of me? Or, intimidated by-- by the thought of me?" That wasn't what he wanted at all. If she was trying to distract herself from him, then shouldn't they end it? Wouldn't that make the most sense? Steve had no idea. And, he really didn't want to end things.

"I--" he shut his mouth, taking a breath. "I like you, Toni. Just you. Not-- not whoever you think you are, but who you actually are. I don't want you to change yourself, I just want you to take care of yourself, because I can't always be here to do it. And I want you around."

[iam_ironwoman]

"That's not what I mean, it's not about being afraid of YOU really." She rubbed at her forehead, trying to fuss out the way to word this.

"Haven't you ever just felt surprised at yourself? Like something happened that made you feel angry or scared and you were shocked at just HOW upset you were?"

"It's like that, but I'm happy; I'm surprised at how happy I am and I'm afraid of doing something to ruin it. I have this irrational anxious fear that I'm going to say something or do something to change how you feel about me.

Not that I'm going to change, but that you're going to get to know me better and decide I'm really not the kind of person you want to be with once you know more about me."

She sighed a little, reaching across the table to grasp his hand in hers.

"There's not a lot of people in my life who like me for who I 'actually am'."

Her small hand squeezed more firmly around his fingers.

[themanoutoftime]

He adjusted his hand to her grip so he could link their fingers together. "I'd like to know more about you, Toni," he said sighing. "I really would. And I'm not going to suddenly decide that I don't like you. Nothing you say could do that."

[iam_ironwoman]

"That's a big promise to make. There's... a lot you don't know."

She pressed her hand into his, tightening the link of their fingers.

"Suppose I'm assuming a lot though, thinking you'll just change your mind on a whim. You usually give things more thought than that."

[themanoutoftime]

"I do." He ran his thumb over her knuckles, trying to be comforting. He really wasn't the type to change his mind once it was made up. Really.

"It'd be nice if you could trust me."